Are holidays just parenting in another place?
We just spent a lovely ten days of family holidays in Menorca. A friend asked me how our holidays - aka parenting in another location - were, and that made me think: is this really what holidays are now that we have (small) children?
Let me first tell you about our holidays: for the second time in my life, I booked an all-inclusive trip (the first was a cruise for our honeymoon). We choose a family hotel by the beach with a kids club and entertainment for the kids, but also some activities for us adults. We spent the first 3 days in the resort because one of the boys got sick with a fever. On the 4th day, we ventured out to the zoo. After that, despite having a list of places I wanted to visit and some shopping I wanted to do, we each had our own little habits and activities that we wanted to do: pirate afternoon at the kids club, Zumba in the morning, archery in the afternoon, etc. We ended up just spending the rest of our trip in the resort with the little routines and habits we’d developed. I’ve never seen so little of a place that I visited, but I also haven’t felt as relaxed and even a little bit bored than in those 10 days.
So now back to the question: are holidays really just parenting elsewhere? My answer is no! Of course this depends a lot on the type of holiday that you are having. Say we’d travel the way we used to travel: city trips, road trips, a new hotel every 3-4 nights, visiting different cultural places, walking around for hours, etc. This would get our stress levels to a similar level as at home on a daily basis, because our kids would be bored, they wouldn’t want to walk (or would want to walk but not be able to safely do so), they would want food as we’d be about to walk into a museum or scream if we did not go into the toy shop.
These days our trips are more about activities that we all enjoy as a family as well as planning half day trips so we can then have a nap and a quiet afternoon together. And you know what? I actually feel for once relaxed after a holiday! Before the children, I always felt that I needed to make the most out of my holidays and for me, that rarely meant just spending a day laying around at the beach or going to a spa. It meant walking a lot, seeing new places, spending time with friends, having drinks and nice meals. I loved every single moment of these trips, but I also realise now that I did not always listen to my body and my own needs. I did regain energy during the holidays from all the amazing experiences but I did not really take the time to rest. How often did I go back to work on a Monday after the holidays just feeling exhausted?
Family holidays are in my opinion as relaxing as you plan them to be, taking into account the needs of every member of the family. In this season of our life, it looks for us like holidays that offer activities that our children can enjoy. The easy option is to book a family hotel: the facility is equipped for children with different activities for them, there is often a pool too and some animals around. Having dinner at the hotel is at the moment easier for us, because we usually have short and early dinners, so we don’t loose time looking for a restaurant that we can’t really enjoy in the end.
These holidays are for me the ones where I can truly relax. I don’t need to worry about food or the household. I don’t need to stress about taking the kids to a place where they might be loud. I know that the kids will enjoy their time and therefore, I can also relax for a little bit, maybe even leave them at the kids club for a moment to get some time with my husband.
The downside of course is that it’s not super interesting as a trip for us as parents. I like walking through cities, having coffee breaks in cute cafés, enjoying a yummy meal, doing some shopping and visiting museums. While we may plan in a day of visiting a city, of course the time I get to spend there is very limited. But that’s ok for now. I know that in a couple of years, there will come the time where we will be able to visit cities, travel differently, add some cultural activities for all of us to enjoy. That day will come, but until then, I want my holidays to be relaxing and enjoyable for all of us, because this is what we need as a family in this season of our life.
If the all-inclusive resort is not for you, I still believe that holidays are not just parenting elsewhere. Our oldest son turned 1 during the first lockdown, so most of the travel we did with him after that was to rental apartments because of health safety reasons (but also because we wanted to have a seperate bedroom for him so we could still stay up when he went to sleep in the evening). You will of course need to cook and prepare your own food, make your bed and clear up a little bit during your stay. But all that mental load around the things in your house that you still need to get done, those little things that have been lying around for ages and no one ever got to it, all of that does fall away. You don’t need to worry about clearing out that messy drawer or calling the gardener to get a quote. And - the most important part - you can nap when the baby naps if you feel like! So even though you still have parenting responsibilities, to me they just do feel a little lighter even if we are away in a rental apartment.
How do you feel about holidays as a parent? What were your favourite places to go to? Your least favourite places? What do you remember from your childhood holidays? What did you particularly enjoy?