How my coaching skills have helped me become more mindful as a parent
In my last blog post, I asked myself if a coach really needs to have it “all figured out” (spoiler alert: I don’t think I’ll ever have it all figured out!). What I realised in the past couple of weeks though is that the skills I have learned when I trained as a coach and the skills that I use with my clients on a regular basis are skills that help me become a more mindful parent.
My husband and I are currently doing an 8-week Mindful Parenting course. If you’ve researched a bit into mindfulness or maybe have dealt with burnout, you’ve most likely come across Jon Kabat-Zinn and a programme called “Mindfulness-based stress reduction” (MBSR). The Mindful Parenting course is based on similar principles and tools, but it focuses on the specific needs of parents and tries to support them in integrating mindfulness into their busy everyday life.
One of the exercises we’ve learned in this course is “mindful listening”: the act of listening to your child, being present with them, bringing curiosity to the conversation. It’s about really listening to them, not being distracted or focusing on any solutions. As parents, we often want to help our children, to find a solution for them, especially when they are facing problems, feel sad or are heart-broken. While this may be what they would like us to offer them, mindful listening includes asking them what their needs are and supporting them in that way. It’s about letting go of our opinions and judgement in order to be fully present with our child (or our partner for that matter).
Active listening and holding the space
This way of listening is something that I’ve been practising in my daily life since becoming a coach, where active listening is one of the first skills that we learned. It’s about really being there for the person that is talking, allowing them to speak and supporting them in the way that THEY need, not in the way that we think is right. Because so often in conversations, we are distracted by our thoughts, only half listen and are impatiently waiting for our turn to talk. But it’s once we let go of this urge, put it aside, that we can truly create a connection with the other person, show them that they are listened to and thus deepen our conversation and relationship.
A while ago, I read the book “Time to think” by Nancy Kline and I was deeply moved by the idea of just offering people a space to reflect, to speak their thoughts freely and to know that they are being listened to. It feels like a luxury in a world where we are often overstimulated, surrounded by noise, constantly in a rush. Imagine just being able to talk, to think, to not be interrupted, to be listened to. When is the last time that you really experienced this?
Maybe this is something that you’d like to offer your child today. Take 5 minutes and just talk to them, ask them questions and listen what they have to say, without judging or expressing your opinions. Then reflect on how you feel after this experience with your child.
If you’d like to have a space to reflect, to take a look at everything that is going on in your life right now and have the time to figure out what you’d like your next steps to look like, I’d love to hold the space for you to reflect, to think, in a safe, non-judgemental environment. Drop me a mail and we can set up a FREE 45-min call online.