My journey back to work - Part 1

I am currently taking on clients for my new coaching programme for mothers Back to Work. Talking about going back to work after having had a child, I wanted to share with you my experiences, both different in many ways and similar in others.

A year off, a new job, the first days at nursery and a global pandemic

After my first son was born in 2019, I had planned on going back to work after 6 months of maternity and unpaid leave. I was working on a big project which would take place just 6 weeks after I was scheduled to return back to work. I enjoyed a lovely summer with my little baby, meeting up with friends, making new friends and trying to navigate the life of a new mom with all its ups and downs.

A trip to Gurten in Bern, Switzerland.

But something about returning to work did not feel right to me. In Luxembourg, where I’m originally from, most of my friends got to stay home for nearly a year with their little ones, when accumulating maternity & parental leave, plus some annual leave. I wanted to have that benefit too, to be able to spend that time with my child. I also did not look forward to going back to a job with a boss who did not appreciate any of the work I did, who gave me administrative tasks to do even though I was employed as a communications specialist, and who could not answer any strategic questions I had to move on with my work.

This is when I realised that my priorities had shifted. I remember talking to a colleague who had older kids when I was pregnant and he told me that my priorities would shift after the baby was born, that my main focus would be my family and that my job would become less important. He was right to a certain extend: from the moment my son was born, he was the main focus of our little family. But whenever I thought about going back to work, I noticed that for me, this shift also meant that what I did at work became even more important to me! If I was apart from my son and someone else (be it my husband or the nursery) looked after him, I wanted to do something that mattered to me in that time, something that I truly enjoyed. I did not want to come home upset and annoyed every evening, but rather recharged from the work I had done that day and excited to spend some time with my child. I knew that this job would not offer me that - and so when my husband suggested I could stay at home with our son for a while if I wanted to, I weighed the pros and cons, called my mother-in-law to look after my 3-month old son for 2h and handed in my resignation in June 2019.

Exploring Singapore with my son on my back.

We pushed the start of nursery from September 2019 to February 2020, and my plan was to settle my son at nursery before starting a new job in March or April. It all worked out as planned: in autumn, I got a call from an ex-colleague. A partner we had previously worked with was looking for someone for a maternity leave coverage - a six-month contract in a department that I had always said I’d love to work for because of the strategic tasks they did, with a new boss that I had gotten to know as a dynamic and motivated person.

Even though it all worked out as planned, taking my son to nursery on those first days in February 2020 was one of the hardest things I had to do as a mother. It was a mix of sadness, of letting go, of accepting that he would have now a life that was seperate from mine for some hours each week. Up until then, I had spent every day with my baby, except for a couple of hours here or there, for a yoga class, a dinner with friends or to run an errand. Letting go was very hard, even though I did enjoy that newfound freedom and I was looking forward to going back to work. What helped me in those first 6 weeks of nursery was the support of my husband: he often brought our son to nursery in the morning, as this was for me the hardest part - he did not cry and mostly even happily went in, but for me, letting him go felt every time like my heart was breaking. Accepting that something was really hard for me, but felt less challenging for my husband and letting him help me, was a step forward in this journey of letting go.

And then my first day of work arrived at the beginning of March. There was of course some imposter syndrome: would I still be able to work now that I am a mother? would I be able to do these new tasks that I did not have any experience in? I was welcomed by a lovely boss and team, which made this transition rather smooth - along with the interesting tasks that I got to do in my new job. My boss was very flexible and understanding, even when I had to run out of a meeting in my second week at work because my son wasn’t feeling well and needed to be picked up at nursery. We were still finding our new rhythm, but we were on our way there - and then the pandemic hit.

The multiple lockdowns and the uncertainety that we lived in made my return back to work easier and more difficult at the same time. After two weeks in the office, I clearly remember my boss telling me on a Friday evening to pack my laptop and everything I would need to work at home, because we would most likely not be returning to the office on Monday. That Monday, nursery called and asked if we had any way of looking after our son at home for the next weeks. They wouldn’t close, but were officially only allowed to have a limited number of children every day. So we improvised and found solutions to combine our jobs and childcare after only 2 weeks of our new routine. My husband and I were lucky that we had jobs that we could do from home, so we did not have to worry about our incomes, but at the same time, it meant that we were working as much as usual - even more for me - and did not have the normal childcare support. We ended up finding a solution with the help of friends and neighbours, but it did feel quite stressful in this unusual period of time to be responsible for my work and my child, often at the same time.

What made life easier was that we were not allowed to do anything. Our calenders were free from appointments, we did our groceries once a week and spent our days at home or going for walks outside. In the evenings, when our son slept, I started a yoga routine which really helped me get through this first lockdown. That 30 minute yoga session was my only daily appointment and it felt nice to have something to do and also to realise that I could be consistent in exercising daily. It was also in this period of time that I started researching more on coaching, that I (re-)discovered journaling and that I decided to do a diploma in coaching. The pandemic made us all take a step back and re-evaluate what we did with our time, and for me, this meant going on a journey that ultimately led me to where I am right now: starting my own coaching business to support mothers on their way back to work!

What would have supported me in this transition back to work?

I started work at a very particular time in our history, just before the first lockdown. There were many things that felt challenging but we couldn’t do anything to change them. While I feel that in my first days and weeks at work, I had all the support and understanding I needed as a working mother, I also think in hindsight that having had some space to reflect on what going back to work would mean for me, for my son, for our family, would have been very helpful. I felt overwhelmed, especially once we started nursery, because I hadn’t been away from my child for more than a couple of hours before that. Letting go was really hard, and looking at these emotions and ways to move forward would have been supportive. Had I had the space to reflect and prepare for this journey, especially after having spend nearly 24/7 with our son for the first year, I believe the transition could have been easier for me.

With my Back to Work coaching programme, I want to offer other mothers this space to reflect on what lies ahead of them, on what their dreams are and on what kind of routines and self care habits they need. If you’d like to know more, drop me an e-mail to book a first free coaching call!