3 steps to let go of expectations
In my last blog post, I wrote about the expectations we have for working moms and shared my reflection on why they are too high, thus making us sick. So what can we do to step out of this hamster wheel that we may find ourselves in? Let me share three steps that can help us move forward and step into the realities that we’d like to have as mothers, but also the realities that we’d like to pass on to our children.
Photo Credit: Unsplash
The first step is awareness. Often we are consumed by our daily routines, by our children needing us constantly, by demanding jobs, that we realise somewhere in the back of our minds that something is wrong, but we can’t exactly pinpoint what and we don’t have the time to deal with it. I’d encourage you to find half an hour to sit down and reflect. Get to know the situation you are in right now, how you feel about it. Realise that there are expectations that we put on ourselves or that society puts on us. List all the things you want to achieve in a day, in a week and see what is realistic in the time that you have.
I know how busy life gets - even before having kids, I felt like I never had time. But taking this step back is so important to avoid sliding further down the path of exhaustion, burnout or even worse mental health conditions. As moms, we want what’s best for our kids, but sometimes, putting ourselves first is what is best for them in the long run.
Some questions to reflect or journal on:
How am I feeling right now? In my family life? At work? In my relationships?What am I content about in my life? What feels challenging?What would I like to change if anything was possible? (Allow yourself to dream big here!)What expectations do I have for myself? What expectations or pressure do I feel from people around me or society to do certain things?What am I doing or would I like to do just for me?
Once we are aware of the situation we are in, the next step is acceptance. It’s about accepting where we are at right now, exactly how things are - the good and the bad. This can mean accepting that in this season of life, it’s not possible for us to spend a spa weekend away because we have a small child that we are nursing and that needs us. It’s about accepting that society puts pressure on us as parents to do things a certain way and that there can be a lot of judgement if we deal with situations differently. It’s about accepting that we may want to stay at home with our child, but we need to work for financial reasons. It’s about accepting that we can’t do it all with our baby because our mental health is suffering, we need a break and we need to say yes to the lovely people around us that are offering us help (including our own partner / the child’s father).
Some questions to reflect or journal on:
What would I like to change in this season of my life?What can I realistically change?
What do I need to accept? Why?How will I benefit from accepting this situation?What thoughts can support me to accept the situation easier?
Finally, we can let go of what is no longer serving us and leave it behind. It might be our decision to stop breastfeeding, the choice to start nursery or have a close friend or family member support us so we can look after ourselves for a bit, it might be the desire to stay at home with our child even though we need to work for financial reasons. Every decision we take for ourselves and our family supports our needs, our values, the life that we want to create for our children. We should never worry if this is the right decision or feel guilty about it - guilt is such a useless feeling because we will not change the situation by feeling guilty, yet we will feel weighed down and unhappy by it.
By letting go of it, we don’t need to worry about it anymore. We know that it is not possible in this season of life for reasons that are important to us and our family life. We can focus on where we are at right now in life, on being who we are, on spending time with our children. We can focus on the little day to day things, the happy moments, the joy of watching our kids grow up, the laughter.
Once we let go of the expectations, we can step into a new reality. One where we are more mindful, more present. Where we listen to the needs of our children and truly hear them. Where we watch them grow, learn new skills and explore the world. We can feel less stressed, less anxious because we don’t feel the need to do things a certain way. It’s about going back to the root of what is important to us and our family and living that way. Dreaming big and following those dreams for us and for our families - on step at a time.
Some questions to reflect or journal on:
What do I need to let go of?What do I want my new reality to look like?If everything went in the best possible way, how would my life look like in 2, 5, 10 years? Reflect on yourself, your family life, your career, your relationships.What is one action I can take today to step into this new reality?
If you are feeling stuck and would like some support to work through this process, a 90-minute deep dive session would be ideal to go through the different steps together and for you to gain more clarity on each of them. I’d love to hold the space for you. Let’s have a chat!