A journey of trust
Starting nursery has probably been more stressful for me than for my children. I felt so many emotions about letting a “stranger” look after my child and worried that they would not be well taken care of, that they would be unhappy, that they would miss me all day long. I didn’t know these people and yet, I had to trust them the most precious thing in my life - and a tiny human who couldn’t tell me when he was unhappy or what was bothering him.
Building trust to the people who look after your children is for me the most important step, but it is a process that takes time. To me, the choice of the institution and the people are crucial - but it’s also important to me that we as parents do not feel like we are constantly rushing around. If you are feeling anxious about leaving your child, just know that you are not alone. I have been there and for a long time, I did not do the morning drop offs because it was easier for my husband to go than for me to bear with the seperation and leaving my child there (even if they were not crying).
We are in the midst of sorting our some nursery stuff of our own, so I thought I’d share a bit more of my personal experience over here.
We were very lucky with our first nursery, where our older son went for 3.5 years and our younger one for 8 months. Both kids loved it there and the people who looked after them were very caring and made their wellbeing a priority. When we moved, we contacted the two nurseries closest to us, but only could get a spot at one of them. We visited it and it felt fine. Yet the reality is that there are points that we don’t like, routines that do not support our little one who needs maybe a bit more comfort and attention than his older brother. Addressing these issues takes time, time that we often lack of as parents. We have made this a priority in the last couple of weeks, because ultimately, the wellbeing of our kids is our priority. This is particulary important to me, as I really want our children to be in an environment that they can thrive in.
This is probably linked to my childhood, when both my parents were working and childcare options or flexibility at work were even more rare than they are today. I had a positive experience of having two working parents as a kid, yet it did take some time until we figured out the right childcare option. And this means that for me, an “ok” option is not enough, it needs to be adapted to the needs of my children and I want to take the time to figure out what they really need at nursery.
It’s not black or white though, and I realised that nurseries are like relationships, sometimes it just does not work out for whatever reasons, but it doesn’t mean that it’s a “bad” nursery or that we are “bad” parents. Often there is a grey area and for us as parents, this means trying to listen to our children as much as possible, figuring out what it is that they need and asking for it. Because the nurseries may be able to accomodate it, but as with many things, communication is key.
For us as parents, this situation meant that we needed to take time to observe our son, to talk to the people involved and to look into different options. We visited several other nurseries, talked to the people there, wrote down positive and negative points and listened to our gut feeling. At the end of the day, we take decisions for the tiny humans that we are in charge of and they are not able yet to tell us what they need. For me, the most important is to see them thrive and I know that my nearly 2-year-old is happy while he is away and finds the comfort he needs in the moments that he may be sad or miss you a bit more.
As I am writing this, we have had the conversations we needed to and looked into different options. All we still need to do is decide - a decision that needs to be lead by trust in ourselves, our intuition and in our little ones who guide us in their own ways. Trust is something that has been accompanying me on this journey of setting up my own business and I have been trying to tune into more on my motherhood journey. For me, it’s something that doesn’t always come easy and it takes time to build up trust. Which is why I feel that intuition plays an important role. As parents, we often have that gut feeling when it comes to our kids and their needs, and we are the ones who know them best.
So if you are on a parenthood journey and maybe just starting nursery, just try to trust that things will all fall into place with a bit of time. You will know if something is off and then you will be able to act in a way that supports your child and your family in the best way. But there is also a part of acceptance and letting go, which is not easy and takes time. Give yourself compassion, kindness and mainly time - I know that as parents, we are often lacking time but sometimes, just taking an hour to reflect and discuss things can help find the right solution, rather than spending hours and days worrying on.
Are you finding the start of nursery particularly challenging? Or is it hard for you to trust yourself, your intuition on this parenthood journey? Get in touch with me and we can set up a free 45-min coaching session where we can reflect on your current situation and find some simple actions steps for you to move forward and thrive. Learn more about my coaching services here.