Does a life coach have to have it all figured out?

I recently read a post by someone on social media that stuck with me - and unfortunately I don’t remember by whom or I’d have linked it here. But basically the person explained reasons for mothers NOT to work with a life coach, because the coaches - often mothers themselves - most of the time didn’t have it all figured out and thus were not credible.

My first reaction when reading this was that this comment stung! Because if everyone believed that, then why was I doing what I was doing - trying to support mothers on their journey to figure out what their needs are, to find space to reflect on them, to treat themselves with more kindness and compassion in a world where we are judged a lot and so harsh with ourselves.

But then I started reflecting on it. I talked to some other mothers, mothers of younger children, in slightly different situations than mine. And I realised one thing: I haven’t got it all figured out! I’m not sure I’ll ever will. But then again, who does? And what does that even mean?

There’s this perception that a coach has to be “perfect” because otherwise, how can they support their clients? However, the way that I lead my life is not related to my professional skills which I acquired through training and coaching experience. Sure, there are days where it’s more challenging to focus on the client and hold space for them when there is a lot going on in our own lives. But that’s a challenge that most people working with clients face: some days, we are just more tired than others.

As a coach, I strive to support my clients in the best way I can, which means actively listening to them and holding the space. By being present, I feel that - just like during a busy days with my kids - everything around me fades away and I am able to focus on my clients, the present moment and the work I am doing.

Do I need to have it all figured out in order to coach other people? No! Because my skills are not related to what I do or how I feel in my private life. I am not a mentor, I’m not consulting people on what they should do in their lives. I’m holding space for mothers so they can reflect on their own needs, because the client is “creative, resourceful and whole”. This basic principle in coaching means that YOU have all the answers you need and I am here to support you on your journey.

Sure, as I mother, I may be able to relate to the challenges you are facing. But as a coach, I also know that my main task is to ask you the right questions and challenge you on the right points so that you can find the right path for you - which may be very different from the path that I have taken with my family.

I love sharing my experiences and what has worked for my family on this blog and I hope that you’ll find some ideas and inspiration in it. However I also know that my way is the right way for my family, but it might not be the right way for another family. Coaching is about giving you the space to reflect on your answers, not giving you advice on how to do things. This is a very important principle for me and essential in the coaching space. I’ve worked with therapists who at times put some of their personal experiences into our sessions and I realised that that was something that triggered me, because if I want advice, I’d ask my friends for it. But from a health professional and a coach, I expect that they support me on my journey in ways that are specific to their qualifications, all the while being cautious to not add any unwanted personal advice during their session. Asking for permission to give advice or ideas is something that has felt very strange for me as a coach, but I realise when reflecting on my personal experience that it is a really important part of the work I do.

And honestly, I don’t think I will ever have it all figured out. What is essential for me personally, is that I reguarly reflect on my own work and that I adhere in my private life to the values that I represent in my business. I have moved forward and grown a lot on this coaching journey that started 4 years ago - and I continue to do so with every single person that I work with. But I am also convinced that if we think we’ve got it all figured it, it means that we are not open to reflection or change - and that’s for me something that is essentiel in my personal life but also as a coach.