Thoughts on language and identity
I recently read this blogpost by my lovely postpartum doula Elisa who grew up bilingual. It made me reflect on my relation to my languages and how they have an impact on my identity.
For the first two years of my life, my parents spoke to me in Luxembourgish. Only once I turned two, my mother started speaking to me in English - which of coursed I did not like and rebelled against! My first word in English was “again”, when my parents were playing with me and doing something that I really found funny. For me though, life was always in Luxembourgish and in English. I don’t remember a time when English did not exist because I was too little of course.
When I think about my relationship to these two languages, two things come to my mind: Luxembourgish is home, English is ease. Luxembourgish will always be in my heart, it’s the language I grew up with, that I spoke in school, that I used with my friends up until I left secondary school. But English is ease, it allows me to express myself without having to reflect, it allows me to speak more freely, more passionately. It’s also the main language of my parents and me as well as my own family. These days, the only person I at times speak Luxembourgish to is my Dad - yet most of the time, we also speak English together.
It’s strange for me to think that my mother tongue is one of the languages these days that I use the least in my life. I rarely have an occasion to speak it - yet I still do love it when I can. At the same time, it was a choice - a practical one, but also a choice of the heart. For me, it felt more natural to speak English to my children, rather than Luxembourgish. By the time my first son was born, I had already been living in Switzerland for 7 years, and though I did work for the Luxembourgish embassy for one year, my use of the language was otherwise limited to my friends back home and my Dad. English was a language I used on a daily basis, with my husband, my Mom, my close friends abroad, on travels, etc.
But I also knew that my children would never come into a situation where they would be hugely disadvantaged for not speaking Luxembourgish - and they would pick it up quickly if needed. The only situation where they would really need the language would be if we were to move to Luxembourg, which is currently not planned. However Luxembourg has a very good international public school system which is taught in English and I am also convinced that with their knowledge of (Swiss-) German, the kids can pick up the language quickly if needed.
I know that this is not a pladoyer for conserving a language that is already not spoken by many. It’s a practical choice that for me has proven to be right for our family up until now. But the language lover in me also regrets not teaching my children this language in order to keep on the tradition of it. Years ago, I could not understand why my colleague at the Luxembourgish embassy didn’t teach his children Luxembourgish. Now I absolutely understand - but also I think that it’s somehow taken me a bit further away from my roots back in Luxembourg. Luxembourg will always have my past and my parents. But up until now, it’s not been a big part of my present - so maybe it’s time now to make some memories with the children and take them on some little adventures around the country!
But what about French and German in all of this? I am fluent in both languages, I studied in France for 4 years and then worked in the French embassy for 4 years. After that, I worked for the Swiss government and I use German on a daily basis. Yet I don’t have the same ease in both languages as I do in English and Luxembourgish. When I don’t use them, a bit of my fluency disappears. It quickly comes back and may not really be noticed, but I can feel that it’s there. Yet my language skills allow me to work in fields that require very good grammar knowledge and a mother tongue level of German and French - and that is something that I am proud of!