Navigating sick children in a patriarchal workplace
My kids are now 3 and nearly 6 years old. Like many kids, winter time is sick time in our house. We’ve had consistent runny noses and on/off coughs since October. This year, we’ve been extremely lucky that our children only missed one day of school since October - but they were more or less sick during each holiday!
I regularly read posts on Facebook groups for mothers in Switzerland that ask what the legal rights of parents are when their children are sick. I’m not an expert, but from what I gathered, employers give 3 days off (unclear if this is per kid / per sickness / per year) and after that, you are supposed to have found another solution if your child still cannot go to nursery or school. I also understand that as a parent, I have a legal obligation to look after my child and no employer can therefore force me to come to work if I have a sick child and no other solution. They can however at some point stop paying me.
This already seems like a contradiction to me. How can I be responsible for my sick child and at the same time be obliged to go back to work at some point (not to mention the pressure that some parents face from their employers as soon as they are absent because of a sick child)?
In the comments, suggestions such as using the Red Cross emergency nanny service often come up. I have contemplated this already previously - though in a different situation, as support when my husband was absent for work or army. However, I keep wondering: do I really want to introduce a stranger to my child for a short period of time when they are feeling unwell?
When I am sick, I want my bed and my husband to look after me, as well as snuggles with my children. My kids are the same, they want Mommy and Papi to be with them, not a professional that they haven’t previously met. Additionally, my 3-year-old has a very strong need for comfort from a person that he is familiar with, so this kind of arrangement would even on the best of days send him into distress.
So why are we expected as parents to leave our children with strangers just so the economy can continue functioning? Why do we expect our children to accept a situation that we as adults would be uncomfortable with?
I understand that our society needs to be able to rely on employees in order to function - at least to a certain extend. If we take the example of an hospital: several doctors and nurses being off work because they are sick or are looking after sick children would have significant consequences and could potentially cost lives in the end.
But at the same time, I don’t find it normal to expect a total stranger to look after my child (even if they would no doubt do a great job and keep my child safe), just so I can fulfil the needs of an employer to earn more money.
I don’t have a solution, but I deeply believe that continuing to put parents in the tricky situation of having to decide between their jobs or their children on a regular basis is a sure way to burnout.
We need to get out of the patriarchal norms that we live in. More and more fathers are taking on their share of responsibility in the household and with childcare. This is an amazing step forward; we now need to break through the chains of our societal structures so that all these parents who chose to be present with their children but also would like to pursue a career outside of their homes can do so without continuously risking burnout.
We need to start thinking out of the box. This will look different depending on each field of work - some ideas could be (mainly for office jobs where working from home is possible):
flexible work hours so the parent who is at home with the child can catch up at least on the urgent tasks or delegate them as soon as the sick kid is asleep.
acceptance that children are sick a lot, particularly in winter. If parents know that they can call their employer and are met with understanding when their child is sick, it takes away mental load and stress from them and allows them to fully focus on their kid - and then fully focus again on their work once their child is healthy again, thus be more motivated and productive.
Paid care work and added financial subsidies for families: whilst I do agree that having a child is everyone’s personal choice and I fully accept every individual’s choice to have children or not, I am convinced that even our current society is based on the future generation’s support. With the birth rates decreasing, we are already now facing the risk of the collapse of our pension system (here in Switzerland but I’m sure also in other countries) if we don’t make any changes. With not enough children, there won’t be enough employees at some point to pay for our pension as we age. Therefore, everyone in society has an interest in children being born. Added financial subsidies or even (partially) paid care would allow families to be employed at a lower percentage whilst still having a decent income to cover the costs of living and raising children.
A change in the external care system: here in Switzerland, childcare is extremely expensive. When I was employed, I was lucky to have a higher than average salary, so my income was higher than the cost of childcare. If you have more than 2 children or a lower salary, the cost of childcare might be as high as your income - so does it really make sense for you to work? Our system is based on the idea that as a working parent, I am either at work, with my children - or rushing to one of both. Yet we also know that it’s important for mothers to look after themselves in order to avoid burnout - but when am I supposed to do that? Added governmental support for childcare (because lowering the low salaries of the staff in that field is not an option for the important work that they are doing) would allow us as parents to maybe send our children a half day more to childcare. In that half day when we wouldn’t be working, we could do something for ourselves. This would support our mental health on the long run, leaving us feeling more energised and less overwhelmed. Subsequently, if a child is sick, we would firstly have more energy to look after them and maybe work a few hours in the evening if possible and needed, and secondly we would have this additional half day that we could give up for a week or two in order to catch up on work hours.
I don’t say that these ideas are the perfect solution, but I feel that we need to get creative and think outside of the patriarchal structures that we live in in order to create a workplace where parents are allowed to be parents too and are met with understanding from their employers.