The first 40 days
In many cultures, the first weeks after birth are a special period, a time where the family comes together to support the mother with her newborn, makes sure that she is taken care of and eats the right food that will help her recovery. In our Western culture, this tradition does not really exist anymore and often it’s all about proving that you can go back to your “old” life as quickly as possible.
After giving birth to my first son, I took it easy for the first 6-8 weeks after the birth, but I didn’t reflect on what my body would need in this period of my life. I was lucky to have a quick recovery and I spend a lot of time going on slow walks with the stroller on sunny Spring days. This time round, I felt that the conditions were a bit different: I was a bit older, I already had a child at home that needed attention, I was giving birth during a period that was often grey and slightly depressing, we were still living in a pandemic that did not seem to end anytime soon… and that situation made me reflect on what I could do to make this postpartum period the easiest possible for myself.
Because those first 40 days to me are a bit of a lottery. They are filled with unpredictable factors that cannot be influenced but that might have a big impact on how you experience this period: the whole birth experience and your physical wellbeing after that, the baby and its caracter, the hormonal shift and the impact on your mental health. I wanted to be at least a bit prepared for this time, as I knew that I would not only have to take care of myself and the baby, but I also had an active toddler at home that wanted my attention.
Being prepared included several things:
pre-cooking some meals so I knew there was always something in the freezer for those days when cooking just seemed impossible
reflecting on my needs and my self-care during that period, while being aware that it might be difficult to follow the routine that I had had before the birth
reading. I discovered the book “ The first 40 days” by Heng Ou by chance and decided on a whim to buy it. I enjoyed reading it at the end of my pregnancy and many of the ideas she develops resonated with me. Like with many things, it was not about being “perfect” and following all the tips and rules that she gives in the book, but just being aware of them and doing what I felt that my body needed.
getting all the help I could. We were lucky enough that my husband could take off 6 weeks after the birth, which meant that there was always a parent around to spend time with our toddler while the other looked after the baby. At the same time, we decided to get additional support from our amazing postpartum doula Elisa. Initially I wasn’t sure if this was the right path for us, but now I feel that it was the best decision and investment. Not only did she cook us nourishing meals, but she also helped with baby massage and some tips and tricks and mainly focused on my wellbeing, through massages, breathing exercises, reiki etc. But mostly, it was just nice to have somebody around who listened and could give us some tips for the challenges we were going through.
As the first 40 days draw to an end, I feel confident and content about the journey that I am on. I’m glad I took the time to read and reflect on my needs before the birth. Of course, you never know how things would have turned out if you had taken different decisions, but I believe that for myself and my mental health, it was helpful to prepare not just for the birth, but also for the period after it. I also really enjoyed taking things slow this time round (which probably is one of the only benefits of this pandemic), as we stayed in a lot during the cold, grey days at the end of the year and limited visitors because of the pandemic. I’m grateful for the amazing support system we’ve had, from the medical care before and throughout the birth to the house visits from our midwife and our doula after the birth, that it does make me a little sad to see this period come to an end. But at the same time, it also means that there are new adventures ahead!