A life update

It’s been a while since I showed up here or on social media. I’ve decided to press pause in the second half of last year, deleted social media and just focused on myself for a couple of months for the first time since becoming a mama (at least during those days when I have childcare - because I can’t and don’t want to press pause on being a mom entirely). So I thought I’d catch you up on what has happened in the past 6 months.

A new paid job

In September, after a very long wait due to a lengthy administrative procedure, I finally was able to start the part-time position I had been promised 9 months earlier. The start date had been clear since June, so I had a bit of time to prepare for this. I was mindful that this transition could be challenging - going from working on my business at my own rhythm, being able to put my own and my family’s needs first when needed to having to comply with the expectations of the institutions that pays me. I got clear on my values and my expectations for this new position, my non-negociables and I had a chat with my future boss to discuss them. It seemed like we were on the same page on many levels, so we were off to a good start.

While I knew that it would take some time to adjust to this new routine, I wasn’t prepare that by week 3, I was unable to even get out of bed without feeling dizzy and anxious. I don’t know if it was hormones, very bad PMS (I’ve since been diagnosed with low progesterone and working on increasing my levels), my stress levels that just shot up or maybe even some strange virus. I didn’t see it coming until it hit me.

I didn’t know what was happening, but I knew I couldn’t continue like this somehow. I felt torn. I wanted to give this job a serious chance because on many levels, it was a great opportunity for me. But I also felt like my body was trying to tell me something. On week 5 after starting the job, I went on holidays with my family to Menorca. While it’s not common to take holidays during the probation period, we’d booked these a long time ago and I had agreed that I would be able to take any already planned holidays. These 10 days away were far from relaxing - I got sick after 3 days and spent quite a bit of time struggling with a cold. But I was able to go to the beach everyday for an hour, read my book, journal and just watch the waves pass by. As times passed, I realised with more and more clarity what I had to do once I got back: I needed to reduce my stress levels drastically in whatever way possible.

After years of being told that I can have it all, that women have the same opportunities than men, I realised that all of this change once you become a mother. There’s the care work, the housework, the mental load that is still taken on mostly by women. While I don’t have the same career aspirations as my husband and therefore worked in a less fast-paced environment, having two employed parents meant that we each needed to deal with the expectations of our respective employers and then organise our family life and childcare in a way that is realistic. But most of all, I realised that while on paper this job was exactly what I wanted and needed when being employed, deep down I found so much meaning in supporting mamas on their journey and raising awareness around matrescence, that it wasn’t something I was willing to give up.

So here I am, back at square one. Focusing on this business. Brainstorming ways to support mamas. Speaking up about matrescence and its importance for mothers, for families, for our society and workplace. It was a hard decision, because it felt like the “easy” way out. It felt like I was “weak” because I wasn’t stress-resilient enough to do it all. The reality is that women have the same opportunities as men (to an extend at least), but once we become mothers, we can’t have it all anymore (but more on that in a future blog post :).

Mama Rising

Maybe the timing of this new job was just wrong. Maybe things would have turned out different had I started a few months earlier, or only in 2025. Ultimately, I started my Mama Rising Facilitator training at the same time as I started my new job. And I loved it so much! The Mama Rising movement was founded by Amy Taylor-Kabbaz, whose book with the same name I read after my second son was born. So much of it resonated with me then! And somehow, this summer I found myself reading a newsletter about the Mama Rising Facilitator training, and I knew I had to sign up.

After quitting my paid job, I spent the rest of last year focusing on this training. Every single module is eye-opening, energising and validating - and I’m constantly reminded that I want to be part of those who make a difference for the lives of mamas all over the world, even if only a tiny one, one mama at a time. I can’t believe how much our societal structures and believes influence our motherhood experience and how we were raised to hold onto beliefs that are absolutely not compatible with raising children.

While my training is finishing at the end of February, you will hear me talking about matrescence more and more over here, so if this is something you’re interested in, don’t forget to drop by in the next few weeks! I’m also reviewing my offers in order to support mothers even better on their matrescence journey, holding a safe space for them with compassion, teaching them how to trust themselves again and feel confident in what they want in this season of life.

The sandwich generation

I recently learned about this term at a conference. As I only had children in my 30s (and my parents had me in their 30s), I am now looking after small kids while at the same time tending to aging parents. One of my parents has encountered some health issues in the past year and it’s been quite stressful to manage the whole situation, particularly as an only child - on top of being a mother and living abroad. I truly feel being pulled into different directions and everyone’s needs are URGENT. My own needs often get forgotten in this mix and I have been struggling to feel deeply relaxed in the past couple of months.

I’m not sure what this year will hold for me. I know there will be more trips back to Luxembourg, that I need to re-think what I want my relationship with my parents and my home country to be like in this season of life - and how I feel about being absent from home more. I have taken a couple of girls’ weekends away and it’s been lovely to get a break, hang out with my friends and just be. But visiting my parents also requires me to be more present to actually support them - and travelling to Luxembourg alone with both kids then just leaves me absolutely drained. I will need to do more solo trips, which of course then triggers the guilt of leaving my children behind, of putting additional work on my husband during the work week, etc.

While I felt last Spring that I had finally found some kind of balance in my life with two little kids, right now it feels more like being pulled in every direction. I am constantly making choices about what is more urgent and important right now, and it’s been quite exhausting. In the past 3 months, it’s been my mental health, closely followed by my children and my relationship with my husband. I’m ready to step back into this space now - and to find a way to work on juggling the challenges of an only child in the sandwich generation without burning myself out. All I know is that there is no one size fits all solution and that it’s a process - so I’m telling myself to be patient and that there will be a time for everything right now.