How kids “should” behave in restaurants
Two years ago, my husband and I took both our kids to Singapore for the first time. We travelled long-distance with a 7-month old and a 3.5 year old. While most people around me have not taken their children on a longer flight and prefer trips by car or train when possible, not going to Singapore was never an option for me. Despite never having lived there, it’s the place where I always feel at home, where most of my family lives and where I spent all my summer holidays as a child.
I’ve posted previously about our first long-haul flight with two kids, some kid-friendly restaurants we went to (any sushi train is still a big favourite with both our kids) and our favourite places in Singapore. This time round, I wanted to reflect on some cultural differences I have experienced during our trip.
When we travel to Singapore two years ago, Covid was still a big topic. Only vaccinated travellers were allowed to enter the country, we had to wear masks indoors as well as on the airplane and I have never seen Singapore so empty because we arrived at the peak of another Covid outbreak. Under these circumstances, but also because we were travelling with a baby and a toddler, we had decided to get a big enough place to stay so we could eat most meals in if needed. We did have the odd meal out or went to a food court, but most of the time, we ordered food to our apartment and ate there. It made it easier with the kids as they were just able to move around as soon as they finished their food.
We booked the same serviced apartment this trip with the same idea in mind. We wanted to be able to eat in with the kids as it felt like the easier option to us. Here in Switzerland, we don’t often eat out with the kids. If we do, it’s either at a self-service restaurant of one of the supermarkets or a restaurant that is specifically child-friendly with a play area. In other places, it often feels that the kids are too loud and bother other guests, especially for dinner.
Watching dumplings being made at Din Tai Fung.
We live in a culture where people feel very comfortable to ask us about when we’re having kids, when we’ll have another one, if we are going to try for a girl, etc. They have at times very loud opinions on how to raise kids, how much women should be working and how mums are supposed to act when they are with their kids. But once we have kids, those said kids are supposed to be quiet, sit still and be “good”. If they are in a restaurant, they should sit quietly at the table and read a book while waiting for their food, they should not be seen running around in supermarkets or be too loud when playing outside. Basically, we’ve come to the social belief that kids should behave like mini adults.
So when our friends called us spontaneously on our second day in Singapore to have lunch together, we were a bit anxious about our kids sitting still through a whole meal. We ended up settling on a small Japanese place at the basement of a shopping mall. Just a simple restaurant with no particular play area or so for the kids, but it had a kids meal as well as kids’ cutlery.
This was the beginning of a realisation that kids are treated differently in Singapore. While in Switzerland (and other parts of Europe), kids are expected to behave a certain way, to be quiet and sit still at the table, in Singapore it felt like they were part of society and were allowed to be kids. It is generally loud in Singapore because it’s a crowded big city, and more so in shopping malls, so it didn’t really matter if the kids made noise at times. It’s not unusual to see kids run around at malls or other indoor spaces, and it doesn’t seem to bother anyone. This was a very welcoming feeling to me, as I’ve already gotten enough grumpy looks or comments when I take my kids to the supermarket close to our house, simply because they might wander around a bit or speak louder.
The first week of our holidays, we ordered food in a couple of times. Everyone was still adjusting to the new environment, the kids were particularly tired because of jet lag and it just felt easier. We soon started eating out and realised that our kids were welcome anywhere, be it a noisy foodcourt or a fancy Chinese restaurant. We made sure that they had some toys or books to be entertained during our meals, took them out for a short walk while waiting if needed and generally kept them out of the way of the working staff. But other than that, they were noisy, they did scream, they had tantrums, they laughed, they cried, they got excited. And while they did not sit still and where quiet during every meal, they were content eating their food, reading their books and playing there games most of the time. Considering that they are not used to having to sit down for longer meals, this felt like a really big accomplishment and it made me really proud to see how quickly they adjusted to new experiences at such a young age.
On the way to a little solo dinner date with this little one while his brother was out.
Let’s face it, meals with kids are not relaxing. Making sure they are happy also meant that we couldn’t just lean back and chat with our family and friends, that our food might get cold as we try to hold space for a tantrum or that we’d spend our meal answering the one million questions that the kids seemed to need to ask right now.
But I loved the ease of being able to take the kids out and not worry too much about how they would behave and if they’d be “good”. Being “good” is an idea that we have created, that our society has created. Does it mean that a kid who is loud or runs around is less “good”? Why do we need to compare between “good” and “bad”? Why can’t we just accept that our kids are kids and that every kid is different? That they are who they are and that there is no need to compare them to each other or to the idea of how they “should” be?
I certainly hope to keep that ease of taking the kids out for food as we are back at home. We live in a very different food culture, but I always enjoy the odd evening out where we just don’t need to bother about cooking or clearing the kitchen and can just go out for food, so it’s definitely worth it.